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I have been friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous challenges, which I admire. Yet, she has been repeatedly caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, as they were only interested in him. It shocked her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, probably understood better the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle vanished without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left not understanding what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a trip abroad I've visited on several occasions and lived in for a while. My intention was to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days there and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she will ever understand the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to walk away, yet this is rarely the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation aiming for resolution takes courage and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. Finally involves requesting how you are both can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to hear that. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival is tied to it and it represents they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present this way then consider your perspective. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides closure from having been truthful.