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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to going for someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {